On the top of the world Read online

but speedy, rushing for the day after, incredibly obsessed to prove the world who they were.

  I met French people that were a little lost in the city, other arrogant and assertive as we can have the reputation to be abroad. I met people, and each time I was talking to them, I was asking myself if they knew who they were, if they had thought that life is short. Either you work like hell to be rich and purchasing things (that one day will disappear as we will) : house, cars, electronics, clothes, paitings…, or you want only entertainment : drinks, good food, travels, movies, series… Or you try your best to balance your life, and keep time for thinking and develop your mind and have empathy for others.

  This is human kind, I believe I didn't understand the world before. I said it but didn't catch what it meant. I went to the Young museum this morning. Facscinated by the Hawaian collection, rediscovering Inuit art if had seen in Canada, staring at the Diego Rivera portrait of two women and a child.

  Perhaps thanks to our six weeks in Asia and buddhist countries, I've never been so detached of material things and ownership, and understanding that we run out of time to do all of what we want to achieve on earth.

  Let's say I'm quite convinced that there are people to avoid , as they have a negativ energy, some to see as helping you to be honest with yourself. There is a time in life where you don't want to loose time with people that don't matter to you.

  You also want to do things that matter. Helping people in a way or another, sharing what you have learnt. Trying to make the world a little better.

  The indian woman said : "We're sorry about what happened in Paris, we're with you, all world is sad today, not only France."

  She has long hair, cute short teeth as pearls, and tiny glasses. She seems bright.

  Another French woman jumps into the car. She says on the phone, that a guy named Paul has lost two friends from Metz city. A giant one, so friendly, with a sweet voice and always shirts to short for him. The giant was shot in the Bataclan. And a girl, always laughing, dancing, drinking and singing.

  Then she repeats "they were shot just like that, for nothing, just because they were at a concert. As if drinking and listening to rock'n roll was a crime or a religion."

  Then she talks about the guy joining the group of girls. He will be surprised. It's not clear if it's a sex party, or a house sharing. She leaves the car saying she enjoyed the dinner yesterday and went home at two am in the morning, she had a lot of fun. A lot of fun.

  It may seems stupid, but I'd like anyone to mourn today. I was shocked to see people smiling in the Park. They're just living. Happily. They don't have the threat of young terrorists that don't even understand why they fight against us, except they don't like the way we live, free, not having any god to adore. Enjoying life every day, even if saying the contrary, as a French temper is famous for.

  My two latest days in San Francisco ?

  Didn't feel like going out. Tried to learn code on the DMV site for driving. Couldn't focus. Try to read on my Kindle. Forgot it quickly. Looked at my check list : purchase towels in Bed Bath and Body, purchase hygiene's product at Target, furnitures and design furnitures…What the fuck.

  Opened the fridge. Took the cold roasted chicken purchased in Whole Foods, with a plump tomato that I cut in four pieces. Added salt. Took a sparkling water soda. Took a chocolate granola, and ate it without milk. Opened the fridge again, looked at it inside, not hungry but happy to see the light.

  Looked at twitter timeline again, to check if anything new. Read articles and post about Isis and Islamic state and why they want the chaos in our democracies, and make the grey zone disappear, the one where people get along, muslims and non muslims.

  Looked at the time in Paris and in Montréal to see if my boys are sleeping.

  Ate an apple, Apples feel good on your teeth when you're exhausted. Sent a message to my sister that was right at the corner of one of the restaurants where a terrorist shot the people. She semt ok but slept all day. I should call her again tomorrow thanks to facetime.

  Changed my profile picture on Facebook with the French flag. Twitted the government and police alert about a man they're looking for, with his picture. Twitter the anonymous list of djihadist names twitter should ban.

  Felt lonely, a stranger in another culture and city. Meditated on the fact I had chosen to be here, and chosen the life to come, for continuing to grow, going out of safety and comfort. Tried to sleep and couldn't. Looked again at my twitter timeline and watched a video with an anti terrorist judge explaining the lack of means for the people fighting against terrorists. That we, Eurepean countries and America, nurtured terrorism and were friends of Saoudi Arabia that was close to Djihad, and the guys in Syria. But an economic ally…

  Tried to sleep again. Couldn't. Opened the fridge. Decided instead to took a bath, and a shampoo.

  Killed a mosquito and felt relieved by that. Considered looking at a serie, forgot it to avoid blood.

  Listened to the neighbour, playing with his Xbox and shooting people. Felt it was brutal and inapropriate.

  Answered three king messages of American people, showing their support. The renter, the relocation girl, a guy met in a meeting.

  Hastag "Pray for Paris" is all over the web. Picture of Sidney, the Empire State building, crowds in Berlin, Coppenhaguen, Montréal…all cities with the blue white and red shades of the French flags.

  One hundred and thirty people are dead, and three hundred are injured.

  At the same time a suicide attack has made forty three casualties in Beyrouth.

  At the same time, people flee from their countries, in Syria especially, to avoid to starve and to live free, far from the extremists that took power in their country. Europe is overwhelmed by the demands. I've just read that all European governments have decided to better follow the move of terrorists in Europe, and think of new rules for safety in airflights.

  Tomorrow, I've got meetings and interviews to find a job.

  I received today my short bio by VCs to put in on their site as a resident advisor, I smiled as it looks like a better me, I was nearly impressed to meet this woman. French people invite me to a party on Monday's evening. My Airbnb renter that is Brasilian, married to a Japanese, writes she will ask the neighboor to do less noises.

  I send a mail to the yoga's teacher recommended by someone I like, I hope he will accept my coming, even if seven in the morning on Saturdays.

  Tomorrow is another day.

  San Francisco . November 15th 2015

  Je suis Charlie

  We're still in January for a few hours, so I can wish you a happy new year 2015.

  I dont' know, perhaps because of the tragic events, I received less happy new year cards.

  I'm not very proud of me. I yielded at my father. He's old, he's in his eighties. At my birthday diner with my mother and my sister, he was asserting that people demonstrating on Sunday were genuine, more than three million people in the streets of Paris and Lyon, Bordeaux, Marseille, but for what. I shouted at him with anger : "You can't say that. The people murdered were journalists, some of them you know since you're a teen ager with their drawings and pencils. We fight for our believes, our freedom, the country that has raised me. You can't say that." He added : "They meant it by provocating terrorists, I mourn Cabu, he was a nice guy, but their editor Charles was in the extremes, and deliberately pushing the limit, now with internet all is known. The one I'm sad for are the four jewish in the shopping area." I answered:"Wether you appreciate or not their work, they were journalists fighting for their believes in our democracy. You're old, perhaps you don't perceive the situation as I do, but old people were demonstrating, so it's not the only explanation. And also muslim friends were demonstrating." My mother said :"You don't listen to your dad. You don't try to understand. Shut up." I anwered with a lot of anger :"You shut up. If you were enough stupid to demonstrate against the gay weddding, I didn't say anything to you, but now we're discussing about France, a country were I was born and educated i
n the respect of having a religion or not, and whichever religion. Don't tell me what to think or to do. You shut up !" I was very upset after that diner, and sent a texto to my mother saying : "if we argue it's that we are alive, so that's pretty good news".

  I sent a texto to Najia, our babysitter when our teenagers were kids. She's muslim. She answered : "Thank you. I came here thirty six years ago to educate my children and participate as I can to France today and tomorrow, I'm chocked and sad. Some young people are lost and they don't have a lot to share with Islam. God protect us from barbarism and racism. I kiss the boys."

  7th of January.

  The day where it happens was a grey day, like any other in January, after the sun of vacations in far away destinations for the happy few, or endless family diners for most people, with plenty of food, traditional arguments as all people when they receive want it perfect, are nervous, and finally are upset by anything.

  I remember I was having a nice lunch in a trendy restaurant with a lot of decision makers, welcome by the staff, a carott juice to be happy, a coffee not to be sleepy.

  When I took my Mini, I listened to the radio. I didn't catch at the begining. A few minutes before, the murder by two terrorists had happened. They killed the journalists in the conference room. Because of